The Sweet Up and Down

I originally wrote this in January but it was in a private post. I've decided to bring it out into the public because after some recent developments, the point of this post has been even more proven and I still don't regret a thing.

I believe in the concept of a soul mate. Someone who knows and understands you as much, or more, as you. Two people who have an unbreakable bond of love and trust toward each other. I've often wondered who my soul mate was and figured I obviously hadn't met them considering everyone I've ever met in my life has inexplicably vacated my life. But I finally sat down and figured it out and the answer came as a surprise to me. After Heather, I went to the two people who I always go to: my best friend Randy and my cousin, Dustin. Essentially what I got from them was "I never liked her. Girls lie. Girls cheat. She wasn't right for you. " Still that doesn't account for the fact that I wanted to marry her and loved her with all my heart. It wasn't until I talked with an old girlfriend, Cassandra, that everything was put into perspective. The things she said actually made sense and helped me figure out what possibly happened in the relationship. I'm still not all right with how everything went down but taking what Cassandra said is making everything seem much brighter.

I met Cassandra when I still worked days at Pearson for 1-800-Medicare. It was November I believe and I saw her walking down the aisle toward me and everything on her just moved in perfect rhythm. It was like in movies and TV shows where the girl just walks slow and there's a hazy aura surrounding her while her hair whips back and forth. From the moment I saw her I just knew I had to have her. I had to sleep with her. We struck up a friendship and reverted back to our high school days and passed notes to each other because we didn't want other people to know what we were talking about. I still have all those notes in a lockbox and actually made a book of them for her for Valentine's Day. We actually grew closer which was dangerous for both of us considering she was living with her boyfriend at the time.

When we finally did sleep together, we both knew it was wrong but I don't think we regretted it because we seemed to compliment each other nicely. I fell in love with her and I know she fell in love with me. It killed me being away from her and basically having to share her. I wouldn't recommend that to anyone for any reason. We eventually parted ways and she stuck it out with her boyfriend, moved near Leavenworth and got married back in August of 2006. From what I can tell they are happy and I can actually take a little bit of that happiness for myself because I think it was being with me that made Cassandra realize how much she truly loved her boyfriend and I had found my soul mate.

Cassandra and I are more alike than I had ever thought about while we were dating and she was truly my first "adult" relationship. I am so glad I know her, worked with her, continue to talk with her on occasion and that we were able to express our love to each other even if it was "wrong" and short lived. She's the only girlfriend I've forgiven for being "like all the others". She was different. Because of her advice I was able to move on and now I'm dating Audrey who I am talking about marriage to. This relationship is the least stressful of all of my relationships, Audrey is loving and caring and I know she only loves me.

Cassandra is also only one of three people who wished me a happy birthday. While I don't broadcast my birthday like on MySpace or Facebook or at all, those who know it should still wish me one. No one in my family did. Cassandra remembered and that makes me smile.

Until next time, I remain...
~Brian